Time Warped
by Cececat
Summary: A failed project, involving time travel and a historical party/orgy, brings 3 Ancient Romans to the Castle. The Romans happen to be traitor Sejanus, his lover Livilla, and her angsty son (father unknown, mom "got around"). They're grateful because Sejanus was to be executed soon. Of course, life with a mentally unstable alien in drag probably isn't much better.(Please Read&Review!)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_**

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 **A/N: Here's another story. Hopefully I'll be able to write it out completely. I've got quite a few ideas for it. I should probably note that most of the ideas about the Romans are 'realistic' things I made up. Also, the cover has screenshots of the TV series _I, Claudius_ on it. Patricia Quinn played Livilla and Patrick "Captain Picard" Stewart played Lucius Aelius Sejanus. Though the whole cast was awesome (John Hurt as Caligula, Brian Blessed as Augustus, and so on). **

**This is rated 'M' for Livilla's son cursing terrible, dirty jokes, and (probably) sex later on. Very Roman indeed.**

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31AD

It was a perfectly lovely September day. The cruel heat of summer had faded, yet winter's iciness still hadn't set in. All those in the city Rome - from the most pathetic slave to overfed senators - were enjoying this. Well, all except three.

A beautiful woman, her dear betrothed, and a 12-year-old son from from a previous marriage were engaged in what we might call a "domestic" (not the sort with red hair). The betrothed was condemned to death for crimes which the woman had aided in. The son had been ignored by most and was sulking in the corner. They needed a plan of what to do.

"This is all _your_ fault, Lucius! If only-"

"You went along with it from the start. And it's because slaves talk under torture, not because of a mistake, that this failure happened. So don't go blaming me, missy!" he growled in reply.

"Any more of this and I'll withdraw from your bed!" she threatened.

"Any more of this and we'll both be dead. Not to mention you'd be the one wanting to return to my room as soon as possible."

"He has a point, mummy," the twelve-year-old pointed out. "And I don't just mean abour the first half."

"That's enough from you, Gemellus!" the woman shrieked.

There was silence for a moment. Nobody knew what to say. The man, Lucius, collapsed into a nearby chair and glared at the woman.

"Livilla... _why_ in Jove's sacred name did I trust you?" he muttered, eventually.

She rolled her eyes. "I thought we established this wasn't _any_ of our faults. We did what seemed right, slaves talked, and now everything has sort of gone downhill..."

"I need _someone_ to blame! They say woman can be as prone to betrayal as slaves. Though your fanatical devotion to me makes such an idea highly unlikely," Lucius said unhappily.

"And I'll be dead two years before I get to wear a toga," Gemellus lamented.

Lucius rolled his us. "Oh, shut up Gemellus. They'll probably keep you around."

"Lucius! Don't give him false hope!" Livilla scolded.

Then, somehow, the boy laughed. "You guys are fucking _weird_."

"Gemellus! What did I tell you about repeating words you see written in graffiti?" Livilla said, shaking her head in disgust.

At this point Lucius had sort of given up. There wasn't any logical way out of this. At least Livilla would be faithful to him. Though that boy Gemellus would probably continue on as a sullen teenager, then die an alcoholic someone in the provinces. That boy had no ambition and no sense of optimism. No wonder he had few friends and was usually forgotten.

The unhappy family of three stood (well, sat, in Lucius' case) there for a while. Nobody had any idea of what to do.

Then something extraordinary happened. Many centuries in the future a group of eccentric people from another planet had come to earth. They'd built some sort time machine that didn't work so well. When they attempted to send someone back in time – that someone being their 'master', who wanted to attend a party from centuries ago – they managed to bring three people forward in time.

Those three landed in the 'lab'. This was a pink room with a starry ceiling. Various _devices_ cluttered the room and there seemed to be soot on the floor. Machines that went 'ping', crackling telsa coils, a blue police box, …

Since there had been an explosion the three aliens involved in the experiment were hiding beneath a nearby table. The three Romans didn't notice them because of this.

"By Juno's fucking cunt!" Gemellus cried out in shock.

" _What_ did I say about cursing?" Livilla growled.

Lucius rolled his eyes. "When I was his age I said the same sorts of things, Livilla. And he has the right to swear severely out of shock. This place is strange indeed and he's only 12."

 _He's your son, you should discipline him,_ Livilla thought. The boy was really Lucius' son, though everyone thought the boy's father was Livilla's late husband Drusus. This was a reasonable assumption because she'd been married to Drusus at that point in time. Though her affair with Lucius had begun by then. It should've been clear to Drusus, who'd been avoiding her at the time, that there wasn't any way he was the father of Gemellus and Gemellus' dead twin. Men were so terrible with math!

"Hello?" Lucius shouted.

That's when a man in a corset, fishnets, and far too much makeup crawled out from beneath a table. Somehow his clothes weren't that messy. The three Romans hadn't ever seen _that_ before.

" _What_ are you?" Gemellus asked rudely.

"My name is Dr. Frank N. Furter and I am a scientist. And hobby drag queen, as you might've noticed," he explained smoothly in an accent unknown to the Romans. It was rather dramatic, whatever it was.

"I'm Livilla, this here is my lover Lucius, and that boy sulking broodily is my son Gemellus."

"Call me 'Mel'," Gemellus said. "It takes less time to say."

"And I'd prefer if you call me by my full name. That is, Lucius Aelius Sejanus."

Frank smiled a cat-like smile. "Well, then. How _do_ you do?"

It was then that the two other aliens crawled out from beneath the table. They happened to be a hunchback in a tattered suit and his sister, a redhead in a maid's outfit. Both happened to be more soot covered than their 'master'.

"A better question… _Master_ … is probably: why are you here?" said the handyman.

"Why are you three lovely people here?" Frank asked, still smiling.

"How the hell should we know?" Gemellus grumbled.

"I'm sorry for all of his cursing, sir. It's a dreadful habit of his," Livilla said, blushing.

"Oh, it's fine. I have no interest in _associating_ with anyone under the age of 16 so I hardly took notice of him,"

Lucius chuckled cheerfully. "You're better off than my boss, then. The stories I could tell about his sex life. It's disgusting."

Even Frank looked a bit unnerved by this. "Well. Magenta, could you go find some refreshments? I think we should go to the parlor for a more formal chat about who these new guests really are and where the men buy those dresses they're wearing."

"Yes, _Master_ ," the maid replied through gritted teeth.

She then left the room via an elevator. The handyman – her brother – followed her.

Lucius cleared his throat. "These aren't dresses, Frank. These are just what men wear where we're from. I suppose things are different here…"

"Oh, they are," Frank said happily, leading them all onto the elevator.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_. I write as a tribute to those who do. Also, the babelfish is from _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy._**

 **A/N: So... here it is explained why the Transylvanians and Latin-speaking Romans can understand each other completely. Speaking of understanding, the reason Columbia speaks that Google-translated/butchered/phonetically-written Latin is that this chapter is from Gemellus' point of view and that's probably what English is to him.**

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The three Romans were led, by the strange man in drag, down the elevator and too a sitting room. Lucius was impressed by the level of technology these people seemed to have. He was so busy marveling over this _thing_ that he didn't even manage to keep up with the conversations around him. Not that there really were any.

Gemellus was glaring at Frank, who he didn't like, for most of the time stuck in the lift. Meanwhile, his mother attempted to get him to stop sulking. This didn't work and she eventually decided to talk to the silent Lucius. When the elevator reached the ground level, Gemellus managed to wander off without the others noticing.

For a while he wandered unhappily through the castle's many halls.

Then he – quite literally – ran into a young woman in faded, tattered pajamas. As you'd expect from a little punk like Gemellus, he didn't apologize. Since the

"Salweh!" she said happily.  
"What the hell does _that_ mean?" was his reply.

As you've surely noticed these two did not speak the same language. She knew only English, and he spoke just his native Latin. The aliens she lived with spoke every language one could possibly imagine. Though that was due to a chip of some kind they all had implanted in their brains. It's something like the babelfish, but artificial and far more complex. In fact it was based on the babelfish! That's how they all manage to speak English, despite being from a very distant place and having no business learning the dialects of a forgettable little place like Earth.

The perception of their accents varies slightly between various people. Usually their voices are what listeners _expect_ their voices to be. For example: the dramatic Drag Queen has a theatrical British accent and the hunchbacked butler has a cliche 'Igor' voice. This explains why Magenta's accent fluctuates between a Bela Lugosi impersonation, RP British, and American. She's so odd nobody knows exactly _what_ she is.

Though Columbia never got implanted with such tech. What kind of person wastes money giving such a gift to a cheap, temporary pet? Not even a madman like Frank N. Furter!

Anyway, this meant she couldn't understand a word Gemellus said and vice versa. Yet this girl looked very kind to poor Gemellus, so he was willing to teach her how to 'properly' speak.

Again, she attempted to speak to him: "Kwewh tuh, peir?"

"Huh?"

" _Kwiz_?"

This language she spoke was crude and resembled German (or so Gemellus thought). What little he knew of German had come from listening in on his family's slave's conversations. Though one learns all but nothing from hearing so little of a language. This girl had the fair skin seen on Germans, at least. And her oddly short hair had been died a reddish-pink shade. Surely only blonde hair (as seen on Germans, not Romans) could be tinted such a shade. Perhaps she was the corset-wearing man's slave. That would explain the short hair – the rest had been cut off to make a wig!

She seemed as confused as Gemellus, to his amusement. Not to mention she sure was cute. Also, he could see her breasts ('her pretty tits', as he would say just to be lewd) because she'd forgotten to properly button. And he sure didn't mind. Since he'd be an adult in two years he considered himself to be a rebel teenager. Like James Dean. If only he knew who James Dean was…

Somewhat cleverly, he decided to say nasty things in the hope of shocking her. Then he'd truly know if she understood Latin. Hopefully.

"You're really cute and I wouldn't mind sleeping in your room tonight. Or fucking you senseless tonight, even though I'm twelve. My cousin did it with his sister when they were, like, ten. By Jove's cock, you clearly don't understand a word of this shit I say. What's _wrong_ with you? Look – _you speakie Latin_?"

Still she looked puzzled. At least there had been understanding in those pretty gray eyes when he'd said the word 'Latin'. So maybe she knew _of_ it.

"How far is Rome?" he asked.

"Rome?" she repeated, looking a bit less confused.

"How _far_ away?" he asked.

Now she looked confused again. Though she seemed to suddenly think of an idea. She beckoned for Gemellus to follow her down another hall, then into a Room. This room had many books – the rare bound kind, not the usual scrolls. Perhaps she wanted a dictionary? After looking around for a while, and not finding whatever she was looking for, she sat down on the floor. Gemellus sat beside her.

She pointed to herself. "Columbia."

Oh. So that was her name. Gemellus hadn't heard of that family before. At least it sounded Roma, so thru might have something in common.

"I'm Mel," he told her, repeating her gesture.

"Salweh, Mel," she said happily.

"Hello, Columbia," he replied.

They stood there in silence for a while. Then Mel decided it was time to explain the basics of civilized language to her. He took a small portrait and a notepad out of his tunic pocket. The portrait was a rushed drawing of Livilla, Sejanus, and Gemellus himself. He'd actually scetched it himself. Like most of what he did it was

"That's Mom, with the long dress. Her name is Livilla."

"Mater est Livilla," Columbia said, nodding. She was a quick learner, it seemed, and there were more similarities in the languages than Mel had thought.

"That guy is Sejanus. He's Mom's boyfriend."

Now Columbia seemed confused again.

"Mom's boyfriend? Er..." Mel wasn't sure how to explain.

That's when he thought of something rather amusing. He made a crude gesture with his hands, and then pointed at both Livilla and Sejanus. _Now_ Columbia got it and began laughing. Then that expression that meant she had an idea. Eventually she held up a ring she'd been wearing. There were many on her fingers.

"No," Mel said, shaking his head. "Not married."

"Oh."

"Where are we?" Mel asked.

Then, he remembered his notepad. Quickly he scribbled a picture of a house, a few stick figures he labeled Columbia & Mel, and then a question mark.

"Denton, Ohio," Columbia explained.

"Is that in Germany? Britain?"

"America," she replied.

"Where's that?" he asked.

Understanding the expression of confusion on his face, she wandered off to another part of the room. Soon enough she returned with a book of maps. Since Mel didn't know how to read maps this was useless. Anyway, they were all in this weird Language he didn't 'get'.

Though it seemed a bit silly, he wanted to learn this strange language. He wanted to talk to Columbia, to understand her. She was nice to him and didn't ignore it and seemed somewhat neglected herself. Mel got this impression from the sad facts that nobody had bothered teaching her a sensible language like Latin or bought her nice new clothes to wear.

These two seemed to have much in common. Indeed, they would become friends…

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 **A/N: I can't help but find Gemellus adorable! The two naughty/incestuous cousins he mentions are Gaius Caligula and Drusilla, by the way.**

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